A few months ago, I noticed I was rushing. Rushing, that is, with no reason. Through brushing teeth, showering, walking from one room to another -- galloping through my days for no purpose. A remnant of days past, I realized. Because for years wherever I was, it wasn't the only place I needed to be. Always I pressured myself that Rich needed me to be there, do that; sometimes this was true, but mostly I was running against death. If I didn't keep moving, Rich would be taken.
Slowing down still takes mindful effort. Part of me remains manic, forgetting that he's gone. Someday I will catch up. Meanwhile, I try to live deeply into this beautiful life that will vanish, too quickly.
Candace
No comments:
Post a Comment