I just read that eight percent of women in my age group are widows. This info and more was provided in today's edition of USA Today. Such as the tidbit that this blog is one of about 120 on widowhood. That a "Camp Widow" exists for younger widows where dressing in black is discouraged, good times encouraged, and T-shirts with the logo "Widows Rock" and mugs with "Death Sucks" and books such as "I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can" are available for purchase.
As I've said before, each day is lived inside a paradox. I'm horrified by the thought of a book suggesting that "grief" and "fast" can be used in the same sentence. Grief is never finished; it is a chronic disease that can be managed but not cured. And yet -- how much I want to move on!
I don't "rock," though I would love to remember what it is, again, to feel alive. And what sucks is not death -- inevitable, after all -- but one particular death. I calmly accept generic death while raging at the loss of the one person whose existence mattered above all others.
Still, today is not as bad as the preceding ones. Perhaps it was the massage on Monday that relaxed me so deeply I was in bed before sunset, and awoke to find I could write again. I cooked. I cleaned. I didn't rock, but this is a start.
Candace
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Candace: you honor Rich with you deep feelings and by expressing them. It is painfully obvious how much you loved each other, needed each other and were part of each other. Not everyone gets to experience that and at least you both did and horrible as it is, got to say good bye. You write SO BEAUTIFULLY you owe it to the world to write something and possibly bring attention to Chordoma. It would be a donation, a contribution, in many ways. Love you, Sharon
ReplyDeleteHi Candace, I read that book title "I'm grieving as fast as I can" as a tongue-in-cheek pointer at the ridiculousness of most of society's attitudes toward death and grieving. "geez, that was last week already, when are you going to move on?" I have heard that from many who grieve, that many people seem to think, hurry up and get on with your life. We (as a society) tend to be uncomfortable with sadness, grief, and pain, and we want to medicate it, entertain it away, or otherwise be made to believe that everyone including ourselves are happy all the time. But grieving is, paradoxically, a way of knowing that one is still alive and still feels. I love the way you write about your feelings and experiences. I'm glad there are many outlets for widows to get support. I wonder if widowers have a club with T-shirts and mugs. Why must everything be reduced to an advertising slogan, anyway. Mysteries abound.
ReplyDeleteBig warm embrace. Love, Heather